This past year hasn't been what I had anticipated life after college to be - though, I'm confident I'm not the first person to say that. I'm not sure I had originally expected, truthfully, but it was probably something to do with profound Spiritual movement (both personally and visually), a plethora of new friendships, excelling in adulthood or something like that. Granted, all three of those things have come to pass in some form or another (except for excelling in adulthood, I'm still about 2 steps behind I think) but they haven't been as satisfying as I expected them to. Which is the whole point of the words I'm about to say. I am indebted to Jesus for a number of reasons (the main one being, of course, the fact that he granted life to my dead and dry bones) but also because, unknown to us, He gently and patiently redirects our steps. I don't even notice that He's doing it (typical) until I'm 20 steps ahead from where I began landing at a different destination than I had originally set out for. That is one of my favorite things about how He chooses to work - He sometimes does things so subtly that I wonder what He is doing until, well, it's very obvious. I'm hoping someone else is picking up what I'm laying down. For lack of any better explanation, that is what this last year has been and I'm starting to look down at where my feet are, look up again, and say, "I don't think I intended on being here." To which Jesus says, "I mean, I know that." I anticipated this year looking much different and being much more profound than it has been. However, through the one-step-at-a-time journey I've been on (still on) to only God knows where (in all seriousness), I've learned a few simple Truths that have been invaluable. I think I often envision Spiritual maturity as greater knowledge and understanding of complicated Truth's (and, to an extent, I think it may be) but this past year has allowed me to see that Spiritual maturity is a deeper knowledge and understanding of the most simple Truth's.
Here's a few of the things that He has began to show me as I look up from where I'm standing. I hope they breathe Life upon your weary soul and mind as they have done for me. I hope they draw you into the easy burden and light yoke that is the person and work of Jesus. I don't know if these will mean anything to you, truthfully, but I do know that the Holy Spirit nudges for a threefold purpose and nothing less: my good, His glory, and our neighbors benefit. This is definitely for my good, my prayer is that He is receiving the upmost glory and I trust this fulfills it's purpose by benefiting you, my neighbor. That is how the the Holy Spirit works and I love that. Anyways, here's a few things I've learned:
- Conviction is good and right. For so long I strayed from the feeling of conviction because that meant that I was failing at something that I 'should' be succeeding in. Well, quite frankly, life with no conviction either means that you are perfect as the Son of God was perfect or that you are simply outweighing your good to bad - neither of which are Truth from the Gospel. Conviction is good. Welcome it. Conviction is the gentle hand of God pushing us a little bit closer to the foot of the Cross and echoing the voice of Jesus saying, "It is finished." I never want to miss out on Him telling me, "Nerissa, the work is done. Rejoice in my doing." Light is life (ref. John 1). Light leads to exposure and exposure to conviction. I long to learn how to love that light and embrace the exposure.
- It's by the grace of God. You are terrible at "up-keep." You are terrible. You can't do it. It is by the grace of God that you recieve new revelations about the person of Jesus, that you receive conviction from the Spirit of God, and that you can see Light in the midst of utter darkness. Not your upkeep. Grace is what unveiled your eyes to the Cross and only by His grace do they stay open. Let your arms rest - don't keep holding your eyes open. He may even open them wider when you let go.
- There is purpose in where you are. There is Divine reason for where you find yourself. "Don't say, 'Why were the former days better than these?' since it is not wise of you to ask this." Eccl. 7:10. Be where you are. God is more sovereign than your decision to move here or there. His plans are far better than the plans you've mustered up yourself. He doesn't subtly move your feet only to bring you to a destination that neither of you anticipated. He knows your every last step and there is Divine purpose in each one. Dive into where you are. Look up and see what masterpiece He is drawing.
- Claim what is already True. Should we wait to walk in what is True until we "feel" it - God, help us - we'll waste every second of life on this earth and never once claim what is True. By the grace of God, you've been given the knowledge and understanding you've been given - walk as though you actually believe it is True. There is unbelievable freedom when we wake up in the morning and say to ourselves, "There are new mercies today, yesterday no longer exists. Jesus has told me that I am His, I am free, I am alive, I have a home waiting for me in Glory, I do not belong to the enemy, the Holy Spirit dwells within me and the power of the resurrection is mine to claim." The enemy never has to move further than our minds so long as we spend every day of our life in the turmoil of self. Claim what is true about the person of Jesus and about who you are in light of the Cross.
- Find joy in the small things. We aren't going to be wholly satisfied on this side of Glory so let go of the pressure you have placed on your work, your relationships, your town, your hobbies, etc. to live up to that expectation. They are meant to be but a shadow of the satisfaction to come. That free's you up to enjoy the very best things about them. Love them. Allow them to give you life. Yet, they aren't going to fully satisfy. There's only One who will fully satisfy and that's been promised to us.
I hope one of those encourages you. Life is hard, my friend. Sometimes all it takes to be reminded that God is good and He does good is to simply lift our eyes up. Look around. Walk in what you already know to be True, await eternal glory to come, and enjoy all that God has put in front of your eyes. Be planted, day by day, where your feet have led you and rest in the Grace of God.
Thanks for walking faithfully. You encourage me to keep moving forward. Here's to the adventure's that come living in the shadow of the King.
"He was with God in the beginning. All things were created through him, and apart fro Him not one thing was created that has been created. life was in Him, and that life was the light f men. That light shines in the darkness, yet the darkness did not overcome it." John 1:4, 5.
