Journey Towards J O Y

Happiness and joy. Joy and happiness. I feel like, in my experience within the Christian culture, these two terms get tossed around flippantly without there ever being a real clear understanding as to what they actually mean. 

“Joy is not the same as happiness.”

“You can be happy and have no joy.” 

“Joy is about God and happiness isn’t.” 

That is what’s spoken from one Christian to the next, from the Christian to the pagan (God help us) and from the pulpit to the pew. Happiness and joy are vastly different. I have learned that. I am experiencing that. Now, I think I am believing that. I believe wholeheartedly that what I have been learning can breathe air, freedom, and Life on every last weary soul that is tired of putting on the face of happiness, day in and day out, due to a false view of how joy is woven into the Gospel. Here’s a glimpse of my journey.

These last several months in my own life have been…. hard (I contemplated a stronger word). But, just hard. It has been full of new things, grieving the absence of many things, disappointments in all things, etc. You get it. Hard. Recently, I sat down and wrote out a bunch of “I feel” statements (for someone who doesn't feel much, that was more difficult than you would imagine!) in hopes that it would help me navigate this season a little bit. Fear, anxiety, stuck, exhausted, annoyed, sad, alone, hopeful, and weary were but just a handful. However, it wasn’t until my pen hit the page and wrote one particular phrase that completely rocked my world. 

“Lord, will there be relief?” 

These words shook me to my core and shocked me all at once. Here is why: “Will there be relief?” Who am I to ask God - the one who suffered inhumane torture, descended into hell, and then rose again for the sake of those who dug His grave in the first place - if I will ever feel a little bit of relief in this seemingly “hard” season that I find myself in? It broke my heart that I would even ask. “Get it together, Nerissa. In the grand scheme, you’re okay. You’re fine. Why are you still feeling sad?” These are the things that immediately I started to tell myself. Why? Because this is what we're told. It’s shouted from the rooftops. This is the norm. “I’m good!” or “Don't you love Jesus? What do you have to be sad about?” or “At least you have __________.” These words only breed death in the life of an already weary soul and, yet, these are the very words we’ve let define what joy and happiness are to look like.

See, those words condemn and are straight from the mouth of the enemy. Jesus, however, meets us with unbelievable grace and empathy. I asked, "Lord, will there be relief?" The enemy immediately met me with condemnation but Jesus with grace upon grace; for, He is not a King that cannot empathize with the pain of His people. I think we have gotten far too uncomfortable with sadness and have coped by creating a false standard of happiness that is only preventing us from breathing in grace. It prevents us from experiencing incredible intimacy with our Jesus who silences the enemy and says, "I know, I have been there. Look at Me." Jesus answers with J O Y. I.e., Himself.

For joy to flourish, pain must be acknowledged.

For happiness to win, pain must be ignored.

Happiness condemns and says, “You don’t need relief. You are fine.” 

Joy empathizes and beckons saying, “Not my will, but yours.”

Listen, when Jesus was in the garden before He was captured, He cried out to the Father three different times to let the cup pass from Him. He wanted relief. But, it was for the joy set before Him that He was able to mutter the words, “Not my will, but yours.” Are you following? Joy didn’t remove the desire for relief. Joy didn’t put Him into a 'good mood’. My word, he was sweating blood. Joy didn’t save Him from the grave. Joy simply gave a heavenly purpose and a heavenly perspective to a really terrible, painful, awful earthly experience. That is the difference between happiness and joy.

Happiness seeks to cover up and change the feelings that oppose it. Happiness condemns. 

Joy, on the other hand, simply seeks to see through the pain and into a more glorious light.
Happiness pleases the people.
Joy pleases the King. 

One the Pastor’s I get the honor of sitting under in Houston recently said regarding these two words: “Joy is, more often than not, marked by pain.” For, it’s in the hard circumstances that we are seeking relief. We’re seeking the ability to see through the pain and into the most glorious of reliefs - the God of all comfort.

How does this come full circle? My season is hard. It is. No, it’s not as bad as it could be and there have been unbelievably wonderful moments. But, it hasn’t been easy either. So long as I am taking happiness over joy, I will simply seek to mask the pain for the sake of entertaining, “Why do you need relief? You are fine.” But Jesus, our generous and gracious Jesus, says, “No, do what I did. The circumstance may not change, but look here. Be in pain, but look here. Be sad, but look here. Be lonely, but look here. Be weary, but look here. I am JOY.”

What if joy was ours for the taking through the pain?
What if we began to admit, acknowledge, and walk through genuine pain?

I have to believe we'd be met with abundant life and breathtaking intimacy with our King.

Ironically (or, not at all) I’ve been making my way through 2 Corinthians which is, essentially, a book about the incredibly painful life of Paul and the abundant comfort that meets him through Jesus. After I finished this whole process of writing down my “I feel ____” statements, had my socks completely knocked off by the Truth I just told you, and had a really wonderful cry (amen?) I opened up to 2 Corinthians and these words jumped off that page and fueled the words now on this one: “Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.” My friends, hear these words - be reconciled. I plead with you. Don’t simply hide and cover; rather, walk through and walk toward. May we be a people who aren’t afraid of taking pain into the presence of God, but believe with every fiber of our being in the grace that flowed from the Cross. May we be a people that choose to walk through the muck and into the presence of God to be reconciled for the joy set before us rather than putting on our daily “happy” hat only to pretend the pain isn't real. Be reconciled to God. Only in His presence does pain, not disappear, but become the stepping stones to JOY - that is, Jesus Himself.

It’s okay to not be okay, but Jesus loves us far to much to keep us there. Lets take our sadness to Him and stop ignoring it.

Joy and happiness are vastly different. Might God grant grace in our daily pursuit to walk in joy rather than happiness and may God grant courage to the Church to flea from the bonds of empty happiness and run toward everlasting joy. 

"To live IS Christ"

I have learned two things since being in a new season of life. Two things I feel like will quite literally change the trajectory of my life. Two things that I can’t help but ponder why God chose now to unveil my eyes to them; for, they are tools for the path of abundant life. The first I must just get over with for it is the second that is of upmost importance. First, if you have something to say that will grant life and encourage, by all means, say it. Do not stay silent. Okay, that's the first. The second is the cry of my heart - may Jesus write these words upon the tablet of your heart that we may be a people with hearts, eyes, and ears set upon eternity. 

Here it is: God’s presence is the promise. That’s it. You may be thinking (probably thinking), “Gosh, I was waiting for a gold nugget and you just throw me what I’ve known forever.” No, no, that’s not what I mean. I mean, His is presence IS the promise. Let me explain. 

The Cross of Christ means incredible things for us, you know. But most importantly, the Cross means that the curse that is upon all of earth is no longer on us. The curse has been lifted from us and placed on Jesus at Calvary. This is gold, I hope you hear this. The curse that sits upon this earth, we are free from. Let me explain a couple of the most prominent. The curse of money - of needing more, the best, the newest, the fastest, the coolest - that curse has been lifted for us. We are no longer bound to money. We are free to turn our backs on money. The curse of sex, as the world has tainted it - the pressure, the demand, the consumerism - that curse has been lifted for us. We are no longer bound to approach sex as the world does. We are free to turn our backs on what the world has made of sex. The curse of our self-image - the never ending need to be skinnier, work out harder, eat healthier (and, less) - that curse has been lifted for us. We are no longer bound to consider ourselves "beautiful" by what the world considers beautiful. We are free to turn our backs to the culture that lives as a photoshopped image. 

What am I even saying? 

I’m saying that His presence is the promise. The curse no longer applies to us. We know the ultimate answer to all of life, because we know that His presence is the promise. If His presence is the promise, than all that the world considers worthy is not the promise. To live is Christ; but if that is the case, to live is NOT the world. Do you understand? The world around us, the people who seek money, power, fame, status - those are the people who are still bound to the curse of this world. They are not free, yet, to turn their back on it. For if they turned their back on the world, where would they be facing? Because of that, they are still searching for an answer that can only be found in His presence. For His presence is the promise. So, they go to the gym because they need to see results or else it's not enough; they work extra hours because they aren’t making as much money as their neighbor, and that's not enough; they get involved in the student ministry and the children’s ministry, because they figure that ought to do it, and, still, that isn't enough. They are missing it all because the curse still applies to them because all they know to be true is what the world holds in value. They have an inability to turn their back on the world because they have no other source of life to turn towards. So, i’ll say it again - His presence is the promise. The curse has been lifted from us. What unbelievable grace! We can turn our back on what this world consider’s life giving, and say, “It is well with my soul,” because we know that life is only found in Christ. His presence. That is the promise. No longer must we live in a rushed, frustrating, and futile search for that one thing which will grant life and satisfies us. That curse has been lifted. His presence is the promise. Not only so, but His presence is good. The ultimate good. His presence is life. The only life. 

As a result, let us rest.

I pray that these words are engraved upon our hearts. I pray that they are as sweet to you as they have been so sweet to me in this season. This world has nothing that will satisfy us. Oh, that we would be a people that willfully turn our backs on what this world considers worthy as we sing, "It is well with me," for I am turning from earth, and towards eternity. To live IS christ. To live is His presence. In that case, to live is not this world. If only I were able to plead your cause and to write this upon your heart that you may know the sweetness and the freedom of this truth. But, alas, may God's Spirit do for you only what His spirit can do. 

And then, my friend, let us rest and let us walk step by step on the narrow road. 

For our battle has been won. 

His presence is the promise.

adventure, the narrow road, & life abundant

"You call me out beyond the shore into the waves. 

No fear can hinder now the promises You made." 

My memory of this initial moment is so vivid I can still hear the echoing voices around me, I can see the people who are now some of my dearest friends, though hardly knew then, and recall the desperate plea of my own heart. During my final RA training at Liberty University, during the fall of 2014, this was the song to be sung and these are the very words that grabbed hold of the strings of my heart and pulled with all it's might. It might have been because it was my last year doing what I loved, where I loved, and doing it with the people I loved. It might have been because I was, at that time, circumstantially isolated in a whole lot of unknown details. It might have been that, while I was still geographically near my very best of friends, I was moving to a part of the campus that was more out of touch with the rest of campus (or, if you know where I'm talking about, the world #annexlife). Truthfully, I think it was a little bit of all of those things clashing together to send a wave of holy emotion and divine desperation into my weak and vulnerable heart. But, I think there was more to it. 

Fast forward nearly a full 365 days and I am sitting outside of a Starbucks in good ole' Knoxville, Tennessee only four days out from making the biggest move of my life yet (granted, I don't have a whole lot of life to weigh this with) to Houston, Texas. Cue this song and cue all the very same thoughts, emotions, feelings, and pleas that I found myself at the doorstep of last fall. The same as with the memory from RA training, there are many different tangible reasons as to why these simple lyrics would resonate so swiftly and deeply with the innermost part of me. However, this time was different because I had unknowingly discovered the root. 

The reason that the unknown causes an abrupt physiological response. 

The reason that people will forsake all for the sake of security. 

The reason that change causes our heart to beat substantially louder and faster than before. 

The reason that the best stories are filled with spontaneity, romance, adventure and risk. 

The reason that comfort is the upmost pursuit of (American) people.

The root is this: that is how God intended for us to live. Simple, right? 

Here is all I'm saying, what if adventure, intimacy, risk, unknown seasons, etc. are found along the narrow road? The road that leads to life abundant. The road where it's citizens are "foreign" and "strangers" to that which is the expected cycle of the visible world? What if the Scripture means literally what it says when we are given the direction to walk by faith and not by sight? Faith: "Complete trust or confidence in someone or something." 

See, I suspect (because, I am apart of it) that the culture we find ourselves in today is missing out on communion with Jesus and intimacy with the Father and abundant life (literal abundant life, not just some fantasy talked about amongst Christian circles that never expect to actually obtain this life) because we have fallen into the devil shaped trap of safety. My friends, is not safety but an illusion? 

David Platt says, brilliantly, as he writes the "forward" for John Piper,

"We, too, can retreat into a wilderness of wasted opportunity. We can rest content in casual, convenient, cozy, comfortable Christian lives as we cling to the safety and security this world offers. We can coast through a cultural landscape marked by materialism, characterized by consumerism, and engulfed in individualism. We can assent to the spirit of this age and choose to spend our lives seeking worldly pleasures, acquiring worldly possessions, and pursuing worldly ambitions—all under the banner of cultural Christianity. Or we can decide that Jesus is worth more than this." (Risk is Right)

What if God truly is after His glory through our abundant Joy. That is the promise. 

My fear is that we miss out on opportunities to risk our life for the sake of the Kingdom of God out of a deep rooted fear of our own safety. That is a tragedy. For if we could be guaranteed safety, than we no longer need to wait eagerly for the coming Kingdom, right? If we could be guaranteed safety, than would we not be the ones who have written out the chapters of our life being sure we keep the plot decently calm in order to reach the end of our days escaping all harm? It's a tragedy so easy to become victim to. 

My absolute favorite quote from the spectacular series, The Chronicles of Narnia, by C.S. Lewis is found in the first book when it is said of Aslan, the King, "Of course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King." (The Lion, the Which, and the Wardrobe) Clinging to Jesus is not safe. The Narrow Road is not safe. But, He is good. Is that not sufficient?

So, whats the point? You've gotten off track with the beginning lyrics. Right - hear me now. 

"You call me out beyond the shore into the waves.

No fear can hinder now the promises You made." 

The root reason these lyrics so abruptly, yet subtly, captivated me last fall and more recently sitting outside of Starbucks is because God, the gracious and unbelievably passionate Father to us He is, has been trying to communicate something with me. He's telling me, "Nerissa, this is the brink of life abundant! This IS the Narrow Road! You're made for this." 

Last fall when these lyrics first came off of my mouth and most recently, the situation has been the same: I'm entering into an unknown season full of unknown people with unknown circumstances that are going to affect me and change me in many unknown ways. But, but, but, Jesus, serving as the only constant, is the same and all unknowns fade in this truth.

You guys, are you hearing me? This is the absolute best! The Father of all has invited us to participate in an epic adventure and story so far beyond what our eyes can see and our minds can comprehend. That is why we sing songs like this. That is why we sing songs (like, every day) that say, "Take me deeper than my feet will ever wonder." That is why grand adventures make us excited. That is why the possibility of experiencing the unknown future with a spouse makes us impatient. That is why, prior to a great season of change and unknown, these songs grapple with our heart. 

This is what we are made for. 

Could you imagine what the Churches would start to resemble if we began to take this call towards an epic adventure and life abundant seriously and as something to truly be experienced? I don't know - it might actually start to look like the Church in Acts where they would literally say, "Day by day," because they were risking it all, not knowing what the next day would hold. The Christian life is not that which is filled with academic knowledge of God's faithfulness and passion for us but a daily active walk along the Narrow Road.

What if I work a mundane job sitting in an office all day? 

What if I'm going to be single forever and never to experience that adventure? 

What if I don't want to move away from where I am? 

That's not the point - those questions reflect a story that is still about us. The point is that God has invited us to join HIS story that is so far beyond the present status of our lives. Therefore, it transcends our work environment and our relational status as we begin to be people of the unseen and the invisible joining our Father in a daily epic. 

I challenge you, and myself. 

It is frightening. The year after I plead those words at RA training was filled with the longest days, forced questions revealing the depths of my depravity, hurt, pain, loneliness, etc. It was hard. But, it was filled with the sweetest relationships I have ever known, experiencing Gods presence in ways I thought was inactive on earth, and, day by day, having my eyes unveiled to more of the Greater Story. As I look forward to this next season in Houston, speaking these words just as desperately as last Fall, I know what lies ahead will be difficult (and, HOT) but I know this is what I'm made for.  

I am made to jump. To risk. To dive. To go. I'm made to walk by faith. So are you. 

A dear friend who walked with me closely during this last year wrote to me when I was in my mere last days at Liberty saying something so simple, yet unbelievably profound: "God fully equipped you and was faithful during this last season, and He will do the same in the next." That is absolutely true. May our fear of the unknown and fear of risk be subsided at the recalling of His faithfulness during generations past and the present belief in Him. He's never failed and He won't now. 

Join me in praying? Join me in repenting over our debilitating fear. Join me in praying for our feet to walk away from the shores and into the waves day by day by day by day. Join me in praying that we become people who are captivated by the unseen in the midst of the seen. If there is anything I have learned, it begins on our knees. This isn't a "buckle up the boot straps and get up!" kind of a call. This is a call requiring us to  get on the ground and plead with Jesus as they did in the Scripture, "I believe! Help my unbelief!"

Don't hear me wrong. I'm not glorifying adventure over Jesus. What I am saying, is that the only life Jesus wholly offers and provides is life that is filled with adventure. It's an epic story. Let us be in tune with the Story. For, it is our Love story after all. 

To God be the glory and until Kingdom come. 

A couple different books I've read recently have awakened me even more to these realities that I 120% recommend: The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis & John Eldredge and Waking the Dead: the Glory of a Heart Fully Alive by John Eldredge, also. Read them!